I'm trying not to forget my roots.

Someday, my family will realise that they don't need me chained to the front gate in order to feel love for me and personal happiness.

Mom and Dad, I just want you to be happy. I wish there was some way I could have some of the happiness I wish for you as well.
I won't take your precious money.

Money makes the world go round indeed. It makes the world spin out of control so that everyone is dizzy and fucked up in the head and they can't see people who love them on their knees in front of them, begging them to set eyes on them again.

Other than my brand new LJ (ie pussypuckerpots) which I adore, I went and made another blog for my late night ramblings like right now. Call me bo liao but the site was so cool that I could hardly resist. Go check out.


sleeptalk

Another night of hell.

I think often of this guy I met last summer. He's supposed to be the guy I lie in bed with every night now. However, it isn't him. No one else knows it, not even him, but I do.

I miss him so much. I wonder where he is, what he's doing now, what he's thinking.

I know what I'm thinking. I'm thinking about him. Every single moment. My heart follows behind him, yearning for him to turn back. I wonder if he thinks of me too...

Announcement

The photo essay has begun...

PussyPuckerPots

Dying Words of a Love Affair

What is it about the mundane and the everyday that destroys us so? Does the normalcy of life that brings us crashing down in flames like planes caught in a storm? Is there such a thing as too much togetherness? Or too much love?

A sacrifice counts for nothing when the everyday creeps into a relationship. Love, care and companionship doesn't count for anything when boredom sets in. We got complacent, lazy, greedy and selfish. The best of us is dead. The love is comatose. The fire has ceased.

Sometimes I think I should fight back. Storm down to hell with a cleaver and look normalcy straight in the eye and say "I'm not afraid of you" but I can't. I'm weak.

I can't say he's not hurting me. He stabs me in the heart with his hundred thousand blades, once and again, over and over, laughing at my pain as I writhe and squirm in twisted contortions on the ground.

He points his wicked finger at me, and hisses "You shall die."

No more will I sit and cry. No more will I let him rob me of the things that matter to me. I will not let him dissolve my soul with his filthy meanness. Even if that means I have to shield myself with my already battered heart.

I look at you now and say "You have let our love die. I will never forget your eyes as they filled with love for one last time and heaved it's dying breath onto my heart. Now as you spew your boredom on me, I shall always remember what was before and wish on every dying star that it will return... that you will return. As I lay next to you and see your vacant eyes stare back at mine with confusion and suspicion, I see your heart looking straight past my imploring one...."

I will wish, and I will dance myself silly in the tag game that has started between us just to keep hope afloat.

oh my god, children. Look at what Steve found!

insultmonger.com


For the good of mankind, I shall put this link here and on the links bar. Enjoy!

Emptiness

It's like that very first day
When the world ended,
And everything reached a period.

That feeling of utter
Nothingness.
Where love has ceased to live.

It's this plane of ugliness,
of tears and blood and wails.
The Banshee calls her sorrow.

She wails and moans and shrieks,
Clutching at her hideous breast.
Her lover watches in glee.

He laughs and points and jeers,
With his wicked heart.
The crickets cry with her pain.

And then everything burns,
In a huge ball of fire.
It burns and blisters and burns again.

hello my dear friends.

i miss you all so much. sigh. post stuff please. tell me how you guys are doing.

i've been disgustingly busy with school and trying to make money. sigh. finances are in dire straits. think will have to work a silly fast food job soon so i can afford to buy things. terrid.

anyhow, school sucks as usual. not learning anything i really care about. hehe. whats new.

on the bright side, i sent in 2 poems i wrote in 5 mins to some silly poetry contest cos i was desperately trying to make money. i haven't made any money out of it yet but i received a letter from the organisers telling me they like my poems and they wanna publish em! so i have my poems in a book! yippee! then i received this other letter 2 days yesterday from another book saying they wanna take my poems too! so although i make no money at all off this, i'm published in 2 books! yippee!!! hopefully this brings me to some money. *grin*

i think the books have real corny names like "eternal portraits" and "wings of something.. donno what." oh well.

one more update. steve and i are moving to a different apt complex. this new one has pink walls (outside walls) and the front door is green. hehe. it's cheaper but the amenities are marvelous. here's the list.
- LARGE gym
- tennis court with a tennis instructor that comes in to give free lessons
- 3 pools with jacuzzi pools
- a bar at the pool
- bbq pits
- a dance hall that organises free yoga, aerobics and pilates classes
- a mini library
- free video rental
- racquetball court
- bowling alley
- pool room
- computer centre
- sauna
- function rooms

etc.

WOW.

we're moving in early sept. can't wait. hehe. :)

also, we're going to north carolina next weekend. will put pics up. :)

how're you all doing? sorry i haven't been online and i haven't been updating my blog much. i'll try to be better about it. :)

apologies to all for my unexplained disappearance. been really busy trying to do maths. know that i still love you guys. :) please hurl abuse at me. :) looking forward to it.